I've been dealing with loss for a long time.
From job, to house to people that meant the world to me.
A few hours ago, I learned my father has passed on. He left us quietly, he just stopped breathing while he was sleeping. I guess that was probab;y the best we could hope for since he's been suffering and in pain for the last 12 years.
Call me weak if you like, but I've just about killed a fifth o Jameson already.
I am my father's only son and I'm stuck 2000+ miles away. Still not sure if I can make it home for the funeral... I will probably get there, but it's still too soon to say for sure.
Back in May I lost a dear friend. Larry. Larry was probably the closest thing to an uncle I had here in AZ. He was my mentor and I was always learning from him. He died in an attempt to better his quality of life. Blod clots suck.
A few weeks ago, I lost my friend Randall. Randall was a tank commander in Desert storm. He survived a malfunction on his LT's .50 cal but lost some hearing and the vision in one eye. He was a damnad badass diesel mechanic and lot a finger working on heavy equipment. He was like a big brother to me and even though he was a recluse the last few years, when he did show up, it was always just like the old days. His son called me 2 weeks ago to let me know he'd died. He was alone when he died, up on Mt. Graham. An aneurysm supposedly. and supposedly he died quick with little pain. In a way, I am glad. At least he was where he was happy. I miss him. I miss him and Larry.
I havepictue on my FB page of myself and Larry with another good man; Scotty Anderson. Scotty was in the last horse mounted cavalry unit in the US Army. He was rancher here in AZ. Scotty died a couple of years go. He held on longer than we thought he would. He was a good man.
I have to wonder...
Is there any justice in this world? Or do we have exact justice for ourselves. I spoke with Larry hours before the blood clot from his knee replacement hit his heart. they managed to bring him back from that, but the clot then moved up to his brain and caused a stroke... he died 3 days after I last talked to him. I suppose I can can be happy kowing I was one of the last people to speak with him before he became a vegetable. I don't think there's any way to to reconcile your feelings in these situations. time supposedly heals all wounds...we'll see how that works out.
He was my boss for awhile. We became really close friends pretty quickly. He was a Tanker, I was a Scout.
Randall was agnostic. He always said "if the Christian God really exists, he's got alot to answer for."
I hope Randall is giving him hell right now.
Dad has been suffering from rheumatoid arthritis for 12 years. As a resukt of his cndition and the meds he's been taking he has had a heart attack (and survived), he's had non-hodgkins lymphoma, (had chemo and survived). and finally his body said it was done. He went unwillingly. He didn't want to die nd fought it tooth and nail the entire time. There was s much left undone.
There is no justice in this world. Good men have left us through no fault of their own. They weren't charging the line or doing anyhting you might expect of a warrior. But they were warriors all.
No matter your religious or spiritual leanings...
Their gods havecalled them home.
I hope to drink with them at Fiddler's Green when my time comes.
And when the apocalypse comes I hope I can stand by their side and fight the forces of evil.
I'm havin a hard time seeing the monitor right now...looks a little blurry...
In the meantime,
Keep your powder dry and die with your boots on.