You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
but you can't afford shoes
You think vests come in two styles:
bullet-proof and suicide
You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against
You've been asked, "Does this burka make my butt look fat?"
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses
other than setting off roadside bombs
You've uttered the phrase,"I love what you've done with your cave."
You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon unclean.